WOMEN WANT TO BE CHERISHED

My husband is not a dog. 

He's a cat.

A tomcat.

No, he's a queen. 

Now you're probably wondering where this is going. I'll tell you. 

I have a cute little kitty cat that I dearly adore. She's white, so white, she could be the AFTER for a detergent advertisement. She has these gorgeous bicoloured eyes, one blue, one green. I'm not lying, she's goddamn gorgeous. 

She's a queen.

 Now, like all cats, she loves to ignore me unless she's hungry or horny. Can you see the similarities now, my friends? No? Ok, let me explain further.

My kitty will perch herself on some high shelf in the recesses of my cupboard, somewhere high, anywhere high up and she will curl herself into a ball and sleep. She will only wake up and descend to the land of humans when she's hungry. That's the only time she'll show she cares. She'll follow me the instant she knows I'm off to get her something to eat from the kitchen. She'll mew and rub herself against my leg in an attempt to get me to be quicker at my task and her quest.

 But once she's satisfied and has licked her dainty little paws, she's back on her high horse, ignoring me and the world in general. 

Now I won't go into the horny behaviour of my cat but you get the picture. That's why I said my husband is a queen.

And WHY am I complaining? Because women need to be cherished. 

Women find it annoying to be ignored the whole day -  no phone calls from the office,  no 'Baby, how was your day?' when he returns home, and no foot massages  after dinner is over and the dishes are washed. Men forget their home when at the office and their office when at home. What does a man love doing best when he's back home? NOTHING. Well, nothing productive, anyway. Dr. John Gray calls this behaviour 'Retreating into his cave.' That's how a man supposedly de-stresses. 

Women, on the other hand, need to talk. And they want to be listened to. A wife will go something like this

'Honey, I need to talk.' 

Now, if the husband has already been in this situation several times before, his mental eyeballs will start rolling in despair. Three hours he has to sacrifice from his precious TV time now. 

To save himself time, he starts trying to fix the problem even before the first sentence is completed. You bloody adorable idiot, I don't need you to fix it for me, I need you to listen.  Look at me, switch off the goddamn TV and look into my eyes, love. 

Btw, Dr John Gray doesn't say women complain, he just says that they need to express themselves in words. I know that for a fact coz I talk to myself all the time. Loudly, and on my toilet seat every single day. And I don't get irritated hearing myself speak. 

So, coming back to a  woman's need to talk, well, what she's doing is releasing the tension of her day onto your supposedly strong shoulders. That her strategy to de-stress, guys. All a man's gotta do is to LISTEN. Do not say anything unless she asks you to. Even if she does, NEVER offer a solution. She is not your boss. She's not interested in your opinions or solutions. She's only soliciting sympathy, rather empathy. If you say something like 'You should ... or 'I think...' you have not a clue of the game plan. Dr Gray says you need to just say three magic words. 'TELL ME MORE'. Practise this several times in front of the mirror till you get used to it.

Once your wife is de-stressed, she'll be yours to have and to hold. But if not, she'll be like my kitty cat, she'll go into the deep dark recesses of her cupboard and act like a queen. Those pillows in the centre of your bed are telling you something. You don't have to read the leaves in your tea cup to know you are not gonna get it tonight.

A woman needs to be cherished so keep reminding her throughout the day when you're away that you are uppermost in her mind  and when you return home, de-stress her by listening to her and making her TELL YOU MORE.

 You're thinking, "Man, that's hard work and I can't do this. Listen to my wife complain after my boss blew into me at work?" I know it's difficult, guys, but guess what, even we women find it difficult when you retreat into your caves. 

So stop being queens  and start behaving like tomcats. Or better still, dogs. Because dogs are faithful, dogs are always at your feet, willing to pay you attention for hours on end and dogs never ever go into their caves, only queens like my kitty do. 

That's my time, folks. You've been a lovely audience. Meow.