THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

 

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE 

When I was little, I had a sweet maternal grandma who would bring us to Goa in the holidays (we lived in Mumbai then). How we loved our summer vacations in the sprawling bungalow, sprinting from room to room and then into the barren paddy fields nearby where we would play in abandon. During the hot summer days, the pond close by became our swimming pool and we would bathe and splash around catching tiny frogs and fish in its shallow depths. I can still remember Granny’s face, the way it crinkled when she smiled, the yummy food she cooked, and especially her hairstyle- two plaits, curled upwards and pinned like a crown on her head. She would make us fetch caravandas and bindi-chi-sola from the trees in the forest for her spicy curries. What an adventure it was to go hunting for them: each one tried to find as many as we could, often popping a few into our mouths as well. Granny died when I was just eight, but whenever I think of her, I feel so blessed to have had such a warm, generous and loving grandparent. I wish I could hold my dear Granny and tell her with tears of gratitude just how much she has done for me just by loving me the way she did.

Memories of my Papa (Dad’s father) also bring forth a flood of tears. I still remember the day he took me for my usual evening stroll to the park. On the way, I accidentally walked into a pile of cow-dung. Papa bent down, lifted me out of my slippers and carefully cleaned up the one that was messed up. Then he lifted me up on his shoulders and we continued towards the park. I enjoyed many a piggy-back on his puny shoulders and, young as I was, I felt a deep loss, when he was finally no more.

Old people do not deserve aged homes; they need to be around their grand-children. When you lose a parent prematurely and your children have no one to call Nana or Papa, you do feel cheated. Granny’s lap feels the softest and Papa’s pockets are always full of goodies.

Nowadays, people migrate to foreign lands leaving behind aged parents to fend for themselves or live lonely lives in some home for the aged. 

Old people seem to be resigning themselves to this alarming trend for they say to me, “Once my children are settled abroad, I will go and spend the rest of my life in a home.” Sometimes it is the harsh climate that dissuades them from migrating, but often it is the harsh attitude of the children themselves that makes them reluctant to go.

But the fact remains that children need their grandparents and they also need a complete circle of life to understand what life is all about. Old people need to be loved by their grandchildren just as much as grandchildren need the wisdom and gentleness of the old. I often wish orphanages and aged homes could combine forces, for it is these two extremes that need each other the most and can give joy to one another without reserve.

We will all grow old one day and will experience the helplessness of not being in control of our lives. Then we will realize the foolishness of abandoning our parents into aged homes. For what goes around comes around, and our laps will one day be empty, longing for the grandchildren who will never sit in it.

As for my children, every old person is Nana or Papa and it gives me great joy to see them lifted up, caressed and have a cozy lap to sink into while they nibble goodies and listen to a fairy tale narrated to them with animation in a soft, mellow voice.

Your children deserve the best too. Can you not give it to them? Don’t take away the most precious possessions from their lives. Give them the gift they will cherish the most- their Grandma and Grandpa.

 Recent laws have been made empowering parents with rights to demand a dignified life. But the only law that matters is the law of love. If you truly love your children, then you will give them back their grandparents. If you love your parents then you will give them back their grandchildren. It is a sacrifice you can afford to make so that the two extremes complete the circle of life and love.

Published 22 January 2010 in the Herald Heartbeat section.