Psychologically, our society is geared to the young. Movies, sports, advertisements, fashions all stress the importance of youth. So the elderly have less of a role to play and unless younger people help their elders to overcome the frustrations of old age, they will live out their twilight years fading out instead of blazing out.
Stop and ask yourself this: “What do older people want to get out of life?” Years ago a member of the Society of Friends summed up the basic needs of the aged thus: “Somewhere to live, something to do and someone to care.” How can you help your old family members fulfill these basic desires? You can do nothing at all unless you put yourself in an older person’s place. To do this, you must first rid yourself of these two misconceptions about aging.
Myth 1: Old age makes people different. Most of us feel that the moment a woman becomes a grandmother, she automatically assumes a halo of sweetness. And the autocratic penny-pinching dad transforms into a mellow gift-giving grandfather. Or we take the opposite view: that old age makes people crabby and cantankerous. Any elderly person has taken a long time to get the way he is, and he is going to remain that way. If Grandpa refuses to stop smoking in bed, or Grandma won’t change the fashion of her clothes, neither should be forced to do so. To accept direction (spelt correction) from those you used to have authority over in the diaper and romper stages can be a bitter pill to swallow indeed.
Myth 2: The old like to be in a safe and cozy nest. No older person likes to have his life planned for him, whether his children tuck him in an old people’s home or put him in a gilded cage. Many older people are forced into loss of self-assurance by their own children. Children may coddle aged parents not only out of concern for them but also because they really want their parents to live restricted lives so they will not interfere. Most older people are remarkably tough and capable, even if they have physical limitations.
So plan with, not for, old people. If your older relative wants to cling to the living quarters where he’s been content for so long, stand up for him. Older people value their own homes first, and privacy at all costs anywhere. It is more economical in terms of the eventual strain that will develop on both sides to help him stay where he wants to be even if the monetary expenditure is greater.
Help the elderly person by making him know he is valued. You can ask advice or confide your troubles to him. You can ask him to write down his memoirs or to preserve family heirlooms for the grandchildren. Encourage him to pursue a hobby he loved doing in his younger days or one that he never got around to doing because of job pressures. I have heard of a man who entered medical college at 70, got his degree with honors and became an eminent physician. Another man went to law school at 71 and is now an active lawyer. Then there is this woman who learned to paint at 77, held a ‘one-man’ show at 80, and today, at 86, is still going strong. It never too late to add another ‘skill’ to the repertoire. It keeps the mind active and awake.
A few words to the elderly: A psychologist’s recipe for the elixir of youth, as given by George Lawton in the American Magazine, is what I give to you. He said: “Age cannot be measured by the number of your birthdays. As the years pile up, biological time slows down. Different parts of you grow old at different rates. Your eyes began to age at 10; your hearing around 20. By 30, your muscular strength, reaction time and reproductive powers have all passed their peak. On the other hand, your mind is still young and growing at 50; your brain doesn’t reach its zenith until 10 years after that. And from 60 on, mental efficiency declines very slowly to the age of 80.”
Older people frequently suffer some loss of memory, but creative imagination is ageless. Our judgment and reasoning powers improve, as does our strategy in tackling problems, thanks to a wealth of experience. That is why the old doctor, the experienced craftsman, the veteran lawyer can hold his own against younger and more energetic rivals.
Keep your mind awake and you’ll stay young all over. Take an interest in the world around you. And make it a point of learning at least one new thing everyday. Keep up with newspapers and magazines; busy yourselves with creative hobbies, preferably ones that use the hands as well as brains.
A housewife at 50, with no previous experience, made herself into an outstanding industrial designer. A retired electrical engineer has become a highly paid ceramic artist. A woman of 70 – whose children thought she should retire to the shelf- conducts a successful cooking school for brides.” Closer home, Mohan Bhandare, at 75 years, held his first solo art exhibition here in Goa at the Big Foot Art Gallery, Loutolim in May 2010. The ‘Golden Girls’ of Goa are yet another shining example of the ‘joie de vivre’ that the elderly can possess with their infectious enthusiasm for life.
So I raise a toast to the elderly - May you always have somewhere to live, something to do and someone who cares for you. May your children and your children’s children be your solace and comfort as you live the most satisfying years of your life, blazing out in glory.
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