A MOTHER'S MUSINGS

I was going through the newspapers recently, when a front-page photograph caught my attention. There was a child carrying a placard bearing a slogan: Small Family Happy Family. I mused on the two key words - small and happy. Is this true? Will a small family really make its members happy?

In today's world, a small family consists of the bare minimum - a father, a mother and a child. I personally feel that if a couple does not have children, the family is incomplete. Of course, there are even married couples nowadays who follow the DINK (Double Income, No Kids) philosophy.

I write this because I am the product of a small family. Both my parents worked outside the house, and I was left in the care of a servant who was a tyrant. I did not have the privilege of grandparents to pamper me. So I escaped the pitfall of being a spoilt brat. But I ended up feeling lost, neglected, and, because I was a girl, I knew I was not really preferred either. I had my own room and slowly learnt to talk to myself, something I still do even as an adult.

At some stage in my life, I decided I did not want this life for my future kids and planned on a Big Family. Today, I am a proud mother of four children (three boys and a girl) and the only reason I am not planning more is my age (I am 40 years old) and because I want to do more for other children whom I adore.

Bringing up children is a job that needs me to qualify as a nurse, cook, maid, manager and finance minister. Besides that, I also have to be a tuition teacher and activity planner. I have to settle disputes, so that makes me a referee at times.

The only sane place in the house is the bathroom, where I can escape from the madding crowd that my household becomes at times. It's a three-ring circus, when the 'Full House' gets together for daily rosary, what with Baby inventing new antics to amuse us all and the smallest boy climbing on Dada's back, right in the middle of 'Noman Marie'. With the latest entry, cars are now facing competition from dolls in the house and my three boys are training to be Moms.

Couples often plan their lives well ahead of time and it's a common preference these days have small families. I have even heard mothers say that it is best to have just one child and see that he/she gets the best to excel in life.

It is so sad to see monetary benefits take precedence over sound values of sharing, caring and a simple way of life. An only child may become a good breadwinner, but he will still be self-absorbed. The culture of death is what we invite into our lives when we think small. We allow the government, the media and the feminist movement to dictate our personal lives.

I am certain that if people help each other, there will be sufficient for all. My family has only Dad as breadwinner, and each one of us has therefore learnt to accept that they won't always get the best. But, as my husband puts it nicely in Bambaiya Hindi "Tension nahin lene ka!" We have more fun at home, playing and praying together, than most small families would, and our home is a gathering place for the neighbourhood kids as well. We have singing, dancing and acting competitions and games like carom and cards on weekends, with an occasional outing thrown in, something which we all look forward to and thoroughly enjoy.

So, my advice to those planning their families is, Don't think small, think large!