PETA and PANDEY.

“PETA in Porn-For-Animal-Rights Bid” shrieked out a headline in the Herald last week and nearly blew my socks off. Gosh, what in hell is this all about, I wondered. And, as ‘wonder often leads to curiosity’ and ‘curiosity kills the cat’, so too was my bird plucked and roasted in the fire of damnation as I digested the news with disgust. Seems someone got a wild idea and everyone xxxed it. So now the world will see PETA activists in all their vain glory as they take on the human world by the horns. Pam Andhercon sure does love to go all the way for those poor naked animals. I can almost hear the rooster crow and the milch cow moo.

And just some weeks ago, an Indian beauty made a sequel promise to her beloved PETA (Players Encouragement Teaser Association) that she would ‘bare all’ for her favorite countrymen. Yes, we all know whose ego she was ‘pande’ring to. As Adelmo in one of his sterling middles once pointed out “Who the hell is …..?”All fur and dander this, for our players are definitely off the ball and fixed up with better matches.

So what about the million–odd advertisements dotting our roads and highways? Will they go the PETA way too? Time alone will tell. But for now, the tide seems to flow in that direction. Whenever I travel from Mapusa to Panjim, I am teased by virile men in scanty underwear and tormented by buxom women in even less. It causes the blush to come to my cheeks and the saliva to drool out my teenage son’s mouth. How drivers and riders keep on the straight and narrow is beyond me. Maybe they do take a pit stop or two along the way just to take in the scenic beauty and psychotic beauties.

When I buy a magazine, I am bombarded with pages of unsolicited soft porn advertisements interspersing what I want to read, all claiming ‘freedom of expression’ and tempting me to ‘Buy Buy Buy’ because Mr. Perfect or Miss Purrfect endorses it. Pray tell me, will a size-0 branded innerwear make a Mata Hari out of a size-14 like me? Can it transform me into that sultry siren with pouting lips and voluptuous hips in a wink of an eye? What are these seductive ads trying to do to my self- esteem, I wonder? Make me feel inadequate?

PETA may have its heart in the right place but surely the ‘PETA FOR PORN’ move is inviting trouble of the inhumane kind. Exploiting women in order to save the snake doesn’t sound like a wise move. Even if their women love being exploited. I quote “They will see tantalizing images... But we will also have graphic images that people are not looking for.” PETA activists, the only people visiting your site will be perverts with nothing better to do than ogle at the fresh flesh display and not read between the lines. If you even think that your viewers will ever get fired up to support the cause, forget it.

And to the potential viewers of this promise of heaven, let me just say in Dr. Ian Cook’s words “Watch your brain and watch your wallet.” (Read Goa’s Heartbeat -Global trends- Sept 23)