It was the 29th day of November, 1996. I was on the potty when I felt the release of a large blob of tissue and I KNEW!
A year prior to this, I had enrolled at the Goregaon seminary for a two-year course of the Ministry of the Word. I was admitted and, with great enthusiasm to evangelize, I delved (alongwith 100 other students) into the Old Testament, learning about the chosen people and God's plan for salvation, His Hesedemeth love and His unparalleled patience with humankind.
I met and made friends with wonderful people, all on fire for the Lord, ready to follow Him and preach about the Kingdom to lost souls. Fr Leslie Ratus, our Guru and Guide, kept us in splits every Sunday with his unique style of teaching. (He is now no more; may God grant him eternal rest.)
Well, as we reached the prophets, I learnt, to my dismay, that I had CONCEIVED. Now you may be wondering, why be dismayed? Foolish me thought that now this grandiose plan to evangelize was being nipped in the bud. As months progressed, I would no longer be able to travel and, once the baby came, I would have to abort my plan.
That is when the devil gets to you. In your weakness, at the turning point. And I succumbed. I knew that I would never bring myself to actually go to a clinic and abort my baby. So, I took the next best, or rather, worst step. I started trying out natural ways to get rid of my baby.
And, eventually, on that fateful day, it happened. I was on the potty when I felt the release of a large blob of tissue. My husband took me to the gynaecologist who confirmed that I was 'miscarrying' and advised a D&C. Hours later, dazed by the anaesthesia, I awoke and I wasn't a mommy-to-be anymore. I didn't feel remorse. I felt relieved! Now I could go back to what I WANTED TO DO.
Friends, God, in His infinite mercy, did not allow that to happen. He first took away from me the desire to become an evangelist. I stopped going for those classes. Don't know why, I dont recall guilt but still, I just gave it up.
Then, God gave me a gift - my asthma. I can hear you gasp! GIFT?? GIFT?? What kind of God gives a sickness and calls it a gift? But yes, that's what He said when I asked him.
For five years, instead of repentance, I tried to get rid of God's gift. Allopathy, Ayurveda, Homoeopathy, you name it, I tried knocking all those doors. Finally, after I had exhausted all my options, God opened a door.
I had a great desire to have a big family but God had closed my womb after the abortion. After trying to get well and not succeeding, I started pleading God for relief. I also expressed my desire for another child. For nine long months, I got no answer. In desperation, I gave God an ultimatum. Crazy, right? But back then, I was going nuts. I told God, "If you don't give me a child naturally by March, I am going to adopt a baby!" And I was determined to do that, by the way, I wasn't giving empty threats.
In March 2001, Sr Usha was conducting an inner healing retreat which I attended. During my prayer before the Blessed Sacrament, I again asked WHY? And got that shocking answer that it was a GIFT. When I asked why again, He said it was to make me a better person.
Well, you know what? He had also given me another gift, one that He did not disclose till I reached back home. Two weeks later, I discovered that I was pregnant with Aaron. It was then that I KNEW God had forgiven me.
God only gives good gifts. It is now 21 years since that time that I received his 'FULLY PAID' forgiveness. He blessed us with three more children after that and I am sure that he would have liked to give us more.
God put it on my heart to share this testimony so that anyone who has had an abortion (for whatever reason) should know that He is waiting to forgive you. The aftermath of abortion is a dead soul that only God can resuscitate.
God GRIEVES for every baby that is killed by abortion. He WEEPS for the mother who has allowed it. He DESIRES to restore and revive that soul to seek His Will and His Word. If you are that person, do not hesitate. GO. GO NOW AND BE REDEEMED.
St. Gianna Molla, pray for me.
Watch her story at:
https://youtu.be/AbW6B_TNDVU
https://youtu.be/YbzIp0r8z1Q
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